Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
