you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize