Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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