I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
