Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize