I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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