i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
