It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
