i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
