She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize