you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
