He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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