i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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