i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
