you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
