My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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