tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
