help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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