If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
