How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
