38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
