I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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