Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
