I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize