Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
