just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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