break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
