He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
