so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just high enough for therapy.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
