If i come over, it means nothing
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
