I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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