There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
literally had 100 drinks last night.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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