Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
