He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Who died my cat blue again?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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