I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
