He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
