Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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