There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
