I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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