I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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