So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
