where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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