who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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