Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
