someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
