Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
