escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
