weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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