end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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