he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
