i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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