Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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