so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
