I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
