so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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