And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
