im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
