Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
