we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize