was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
