We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
