After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We need to feng shui this bitch.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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