you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
