Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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