It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize