ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
