I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
