Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
