so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He passed out mid-signature
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
