ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
wow bdsm is so cute
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
