Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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