I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
