We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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