what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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