Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
