If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
