Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
