Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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