I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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