Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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